Everytime I notice myself feeling a bit down about myself or my day, I must remember this…

Am I existing from a place of desire or a place of love?

Impatience tends to hold more power over our consciousness because we are existing from a place of desire instead of love.

Do you have some days where impatience dictates the waking experience that is your life so intensely that it makes everything that isn’t desirable feel more permanent? So often in our lives, we get to a point that may be safe and feel good, but isn’t necessarily what we want to be doing, or where we necessarily want to be in this present moment. And in that, this stage feels so permanent that we almost can’t let ourselves break free from the pain feeling of fictionalized permanence to even enjoy this time in our lives. We can’t seem to admit that that permanence we feel is just a fear response, enough so, to move past it.

We all know deep down in our holding centers that permanence– isn’t. And in all of our attempts at holding on to that which must be necessary to let go of in order to not push away the new, we must forgive that pain.

Impatience is a reactive feeling from our nervous system communicating with our brain’s desire for something that is different from what is right now. Whooof.

I might get extremely impatient with where I am in my life for all these reasons I’ve made up, EVEN IF where I am in life is perceivably “good.” This may not mean I feel in my bones that I love every aspect-good, yet I have love, I have support, I have the ability to nourish myself in various ways, I have safety. Qualities that become muted by insatiable tendencies because the “bad” speaks louder than the beauty. We want it all, subtle and gross, is that too much to ask for?

I then forget all of the goodness around me. I become ungrateful for everything I have at this exact moment in my life because I am distracted from the truth: The truth of all of my desires I have once had blissfully in life, the truth of my desires being achieved already in this moment that I may overlook, the truth of my pain being from something deeper and the truth of my potential in the space I’m in, not the space I’m glamorizing.

Evolution instills a hunger within all of us that can be harnessed for the greater beauty or the greater greed. There is always going to be more readily available and more our consciousness takes in every day of our lives. In lieu of that, there’s always a lingering aura of a “goal” that we’re chronically reaching for. 5k steps in a day, that promotion, the perfect partner, land, money, etc. The understanding isn’t in the seeking, it’s in the honoring all that is before us and all that has come already and will come in the future.

The difference is that goals have endpoints.

If we only choose to see the end result, we’re missing out on the entire meat and spices of the story. We’re not being present in all of the unwanted parts, and recognizing them enough in their glory to even have capacity to celebrate or recognize when true beauty is before us. We’ll never allow our hearts to experience the heartache that was necessary to be at peace with our purpose.

Who really wants to read a book and only read the last chapter? (I find myself covering the future paragraphs so I can diminish the temptation to just read the end before I get to it, tehe.)

Now suppose the word “goal” was actually purpose, and replace some of your beliefs in that way. Would my purpose be to achieve 5k steps today; no, it would be to achieve a regular form of physical nourishment in my body so that I feel taken care of, feel good and can love myself fuller. Would my purpose be to buy a house by the age of 30; no, it would be to provide a space of safety in an environment so that I may receive the feeling of home in a physical form.

Think of all of the times in your life you set a purpose. Suddenly, the timeline feels a bit more open and wondrous and it doesn’t feel like it’s something to be seeing results or accomplishing by next week. Suddenly the path becomes a bit more curious and ambiguous and perhaps there are realizations that these desires in our lives are protective layers to what we actually, truly want. Which can be broken down into love, safety, nourishment and simplicity.

So when we relieve a bit of those limiting beliefs and pressures from our everyday life, saying, “I’m not where I want to be,” actually metamorphosizes into I’m everywhere I need to be.

Suddenly, thoughts on your life's purpose don’t rely on a timeline, with the wisdom that we have our whole lives to be exactly where we want to be.

Our life's purpose is evolving and infinite. The sooner you find grace in those words, the sooner there is a mutual understanding– a peace agreement with you and life– that there will be thousands of other accomplishments both slight and magnificent in each day and in the abyss of time.

May you start to believe your truth instead of your mind. May your lifes naturally occurring phases, both beautiful and ugly, feel less daunting. May you begin to shift like the phases of the moon, choosing to not control every aspect, allowing yourself to let go of your own created pain. May you begin to see that you are the creator of both your suffering and your santosha (contentment). May you find peace in the inhale and exhale, that which is life.

With the reminder that all moments, all feelings, all emotions, all love is impermanent, how might you live today a little differently?

Xx,

Ray of Light